The Signs That Don’t Make The Newsletter

Some of the most meaningful signs of progress in schools never get written up or shared out. They do not appear in announcements or updates. They show up in the way a building functions when the work underneath it is strong.

I notice it first in the hallways, not during passing time, but during class.
Hallways that are empty because students are where they are supposed to be.
Learning is happening. Teachers able to teach without constant interruption.

That tells a bigger story than any highlight ever could.

Hallways like that mean instruction is being protected. They mean students are engaged and teachers are not being pulled away to manage what should already be handled through clear expectations and shared responsibility. That does not mean there are no problems. It means the systems in place are strong enough to keep learning at the center of the day.

Research supports this connection between structure and learning. Studies grounded in self determination theory show that environments with clear expectations, consistent responses, and a sense of fairness reduce cognitive load and support self regulation, which allows students to stay engaged with instruction rather than managing uncertainty (Ryan & Deci, 2020).

I see those same signs elsewhere, too. Meetings that end when they are supposed to and stay focused. Fewer interruptions that require immediate escalation. Adults responding consistently across the building. Students beginning to self correct because they understand what is expected and trust that expectations will be applied fairly.

What Helps Protect This Kind of Progress

Over time, I have learned that hallways do not stay empty during class by accident. A few leadership choices make that possible.

Protect instructional time intentionally.
This means resisting the urge to pull teachers or students unless something truly cannot wait. When learning is treated as the priority, people respond to that expectation.

Create consistency among adults.
Students adjust faster when expectations feel the same no matter who is on duty. That alignment takes time, conversation, and follow through, but it pays off every day.

Handle issues at the lowest appropriate level.
Not every concern needs to reach the principal’s office. When teachers and teams are trusted to respond within clear guidelines, capacity grows across the building.

Revisit routines after disruption.
Breaks and schedule changes unsettle even strong systems. Taking time to reteach expectations is not regression. It is reinforcement.

Notice what is working and name it.
Calling attention to fewer interruptions or protected class time reinforces the behaviors and systems that made it possible.

Strong systems are never perfect or finished. Schools are living organizations. Expectations need to be revisited. Structures need to adjust. Progress is not the absence of breakdowns. It is having systems and relationships strong enough to absorb them without pulling learning apart.

Research on school leadership reinforces this. When principals are not consumed by daily firefighting, they are better able to focus on instructional leadership, staff development, and long term improvement (Grissom, Egalite, & Lindsay, 2021). Fewer disruptions during the day are not a sign that nothing is happening. They are a sign that responsibility and clarity have been distributed throughout the organization.

There are days when leadership does not feel as urgent. There are fewer crises demanding immediate attention. Less constant need to step in and fix. In a role often defined by pressure and pace, those days can feel unfamiliar. I have learned to recognize them for what they are. Evidence.

They tell me instruction is being protected.
They tell me adults feel equipped to manage challenges where they belong.
They tell me the culture is supporting learning instead of constantly interrupting it.

This matters deeply for women in leadership. Research on emotional labour in education shows that women leaders are more likely to absorb disruption and carry invisible work so others can stay focused (Fitzgerald & Wilkinson, 2023). But leadership is not measured by how often you are needed. It is measured by what continues to function because of the work you have already done.

I notice this most after disruption. After breaks. After periods of change. Research on school routines confirms that reestablishing predictable structures supports student adjustment and reduces behavioral issues, particularly in secondary settings (McDaniel, Ruppar, & Lembke, 2022).

When routines return and the building begins to function again, it feels like confirmation. Not that everything is fixed, but that the foundation is strong enough to keep improving. The choices mattered. The time spent building systems, protecting instruction, and trusting others was not wasted.

If your school feels like it is working right now, let yourself name that as progress. Not perfection. Progress built through intention, reflection, and follow through.

The signs that matter most do not always make the newsletter.
They show up in protected instruction, fewer interruptions, and a building that allows teaching and learning to happen.

That is not the end of the work…That is how the work continues.

References

Fitzgerald, T., & Wilkinson, J. (2023). Women, leadership, and emotional labour in education. Educational Management Administration & Leadership, 51(4), 567–583. https://doi.org/10.1177/17411432211065379

Grissom, J. A., Egalite, A. J., & Lindsay, C. A. (2021). How principals affect students and schools: A systematic synthesis of two decades of research. Wallace Foundation. https://www.wallacefoundation.org/knowledge-center/pages/how-principals-affect-students-and-schools.aspx

McDaniel, S. C., Ruppar, A. L., & Lembke, E. S. (2022). The role of predictable routines in supporting adolescent behavior and engagement in secondary schools. Journal of School Psychology, 92, 1–15. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jsp.2022.01.002

Ryan, R. M., & Deci, E. L. (2020). Self determination theory: Basic psychological needs in motivation, development, and wellness. Guilford Press.

While We Rest, Some Children Wait: Leadership, Stability, and the Quiet Power of Schools

Winter break is necessary. Our faculty and staff give everything they have during the school year. Their time, their energy, their patience, their creativity, their care. This break is not a luxury. It is a reset. It is time to rest bodies, quiet minds, and refill what has been poured out again and again since August.

I believe deeply in protecting this time for educators. Rest makes better teachers. Rest makes better leaders. Rest makes it possible to return with clarity and compassion instead of exhaustion. When we tell our staff to take this time seriously, to disconnect and be present with their families, we are honoring the work they do all year long.

And still, as a principal, my mind goes to the students.

Some children are thriving right now. They are sleeping in, traveling, celebrating, and enjoying the freedom that comes with time away from school. Others are not. For some students, school is the most stable place in their lives. It is where meals are predictable. It is where routines make sense. It is where there is an adult who notices if something feels off.

Research consistently shows that predictable routines are a protective factor for children, especially those experiencing stress or trauma. Disruptions to structure can increase anxiety, emotional dysregulation, and academic disengagement, particularly for students who already live with instability (Child Trends, 2023; OECD, 2024). For some children, the loss of daily school routines during breaks can feel overwhelming, not relaxing.

Food insecurity also becomes more visible during extended breaks. The USDA reported that more than one in five children in the United States lived in food-insecure households at some point in 2023, with school meals serving as a primary source of consistent nutrition for many students (USDA, 2024). When schools close, that safety net pauses, and families feel the strain.

Holding both of these truths is not a contradiction. It is leadership….

Faculty and staff deserve this break. Their rest is essential to the health of our schools. At the same time, we cannot take for granted what schools quietly provide to children every single day. Stability. Care. Safety. Belonging. These are not extras. They are foundational.

This is not about guilt or expectation. No one should be working through break or sacrificing their own well-being. It is about awareness and preparation. When we return, some students will need more time to settle back in. Some will need reassurance. Some will need help rebuilding routines that were holding them together.

That gives us a clear path forward.

We can start January by prioritizing connection before content. We can normalize slow transitions and emotional check-ins. We can remind students that school is still a place they can rely on. We can support teachers by giving them permission to ease back in, knowing that regulation comes before rigor.

Rest and responsibility can exist together. Caring for educators and caring deeply about students are not competing priorities. They are deeply connected.

As we close out the year, I hope every educator truly rests without guilt. And as we begin the next, I hope we return with intention, ready to reestablish routines, rebuild trust, and offer the steady presence that so many children are waiting for.

That is the quiet power of schools. We rest so we can return ready, present, and prepared to hold what our students need. This work matters, and it begins again when we do.

References

Child Trends. (2023). Why routines and consistency matter for child well-being. https://www.childtrends.org

Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development. (2024). Promoting student well-being and mental health in schools. OECD Publishing. https://www.oecd.org

U.S. Department of Agriculture. (2024). Household food security in the United States in 2023. Economic Research Service. https://www.ers.usda.gov

When Behavior Speaks: A December Reflection for Leaders

December always reveals the emotional rhythm of a school. Students feel the excitement of the season, but they also feel the stress of disrupted routines, shorter weeks, and the weight of whatever is happening in their lives outside of school. Adults feel it too. The synergy of the month changes, and we see this shift in how students behave, how staff respond, and how the overall energy in a school feels different.

It is also the time of year when discipline referrals rise. Research consistently shows that behavioral spikes appear during periods of schedule disruption, transitions, and emotional strain (Gee & Wong, 2022). These behaviors are not just choices. They are often signs of students trying to cope with stress, uncertainty, or emotional overload.

Trauma-informed research helps us understand what sits underneath these patterns. Powers and colleagues (2022) found that stress and adversity affect attention, emotional regulation, and problem solving, which directly influence how students respond to challenges in school (Powers et al., 2022). When routines shift or when school feels less predictable, students who are already carrying stress from home can struggle to adapt.

For many students, school is their most stable environment. So even small changes in structure can feel overwhelming. We see this in increased frustration, withdrawal, irritability, or a stronger need for connection. None of this is random. It is emotional communication.

And the adults feel the pull, too. Teachers and staff carry their own stories. They manage holiday expectations, financial stress, family responsibilities, and personal challenges. Research on educator well-being shows that adults absorb secondary trauma from student needs while also managing their own emotional load (Viloria et al., 2023). December intensifies that weight.

This month asks leaders to pay attention to the full picture. It asks us to notice what behavior might be signaling. It asks us to lead with awareness and care. It asks us to support staff who are trying to balance school and life. It asks us to respond with compassion without lowering expectations. The balance is part of the work.

Trauma-informed leadership is not about excusing poor behavior. It is about understanding the conditions around it and responding in ways that help students and staff regain a sense of control and connection. Recent research offers strategies that truly help:

1. Create predictability wherever possible
Transitions and disruptions heighten stress. Trauma-informed studies show that previewing changes, reviewing expectations, and maintaining consistent routines help students feel safer and more grounded (Chafouleas et al., 2021).

2. Model calm, clear communication
Leaders set the emotional tone. When adults communicate with clarity and calm, students and staff experience a sense of safety (Powers et al., 2022).

3. Build in small moments of connection
A brief check-in or positive interaction can shift the emotional direction of a student’s entire day. The same goes for our adults. Trauma-informed research confirms that connection is protective, especially during stressful periods (Chafouleas et al., 2021).

4. Offer regulation strategies without drawing attention
Short breathing exercises, movement breaks, and quiet resets help students regain emotional balance and reduce escalation. These strategies support adults, too.

5. Give staff space to name what they are carrying
Viloria and colleagues found that when educators feel supported and emotionally understood, their well-being and effectiveness increase (Viloria et al., 2023).

If you are a leader navigating this season, you may be feeling the emotional weight of it all. This is a different kind of tired. It comes from responding to students who need more than they can express and supporting adults who continue to show up even when their own lives feel full. It comes from holding responsibility for the emotional climate of a school while trying to make room for your own needs.

So here is my reminder to you…

Your presence matters. Your ability to notice what sits beneath behavior matters. Your patience, your awareness, and your care make more of a difference than you may realize. Students may not always show it, but they feel it when a leader believes in them. Staff may not say it out loud, but they lean on the consistency and compassion you offer.

As we move through December, give students a sense of understanding as routines shift. Give staff room to breathe as they balance their own lives. And give yourself grace as you lead through a month that carries more emotion than most people see.

The work you are doing is meaningful. It shapes the experience of students and adults in ways that last long beyond this season. Keep leading with heart. It is the kind of leadership that quietly changes the course of someone’s day and sometimes their life…

References

Chafouleas, S. M., et al. (2021). Creating trauma-informed schools: A review of evidence-based practices. School Mental Health, 13, 359–374.

Gee, K. A., & Wong, K. K. (2022). Predictable patterns of student behavior across the academic year. Journal of School Health, 92(4), 357–366.

Powers, K., Lawson, M. A., & Salazar, C. F. (2022). Trauma-informed practices in schools. School Psychology Review, 51(3), 345–360.

Viloria, J., Gonzalez, M., & Warren, C. A. (2023). Educator well-being and secondary traumatic stress. Teaching and Teacher Education, 124, 104043.

A Thanksgiving Reflection on the Daily Work We Do

Thanksgiving came and went, and like many leaders in schools, I found myself thinking about the work we do and the people who do it every day. This time of year always pulls me into a quieter kind of gratitude. Not the gratitude that comes from a big celebration, but the kind that grows from small moments, quiet progress, and the steady effort that holds a school together.

Our jobs are hard. They stretch us in ways that most people never see. We carry hundreds of stories, hopes, worries and situations in our minds while trying to create a place where students feel safe, supported, and ready to grow. The pressure can feel heavy at times. Yet the work remains some of the most meaningful work anyone can do.

What I kept coming back to this Thanksgiving is how leadership is often about impact we cannot measure in the moment. Not every change is visible right away. Not every success is loud. Much of what we build in our schools is felt long before it is seen.

We see it in the student who slowly finds confidence.
We see it in the student who finally asks for help.
We see it in the student who begins to believe in their own potential.

These moments are real, even when they are quiet.

As educators and leaders, we plant seeds we may not watch grow. We create systems, relationships, and structures that shape students long after they leave our classrooms and hallways. Sometimes we are fortunate enough to see the impact years later when a former student comes back to visit. They share who they have become. They share the moment, the teacher, or the experience that helped shift something in them. They tell us that something we did stayed with them.

Those moments are reminders of why the work matters. They are reminders that our presence has weight. They are reminders that our choices ripple out in ways we may never fully know.

This Thanksgiving, I felt grateful for that privilege. I felt grateful for the teachers who show up with heart even on the hard days. I felt grateful for the staff who work quietly behind the scenes to keep a school running. I felt grateful for the students who trust us with their stories and their growth. And I felt grateful for the chance to lead in a place where the work is challenging, meaningful, and deeply human.

The work we do is not always easy, but it is always important. It shapes lives. It creates opportunities. It opens futures. And even when we cannot see the full impact, we can feel it.

As we move into the rest of the school year, my hope is that we hold on to those moments of gratitude. They steady us. They remind us of the bigger picture. And they help us keep leading with clarity, compassion, and purpose.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone who gives their heart to this work. You make more of a difference than you realize!

Why Good Leadership Starts With SEL

I have been thinking about how much social and emotional learning reflects the core of good leadership. When students learn SEL skills, they practice the same habits adults need in order to lead with clarity, steadiness, and care.

As I continue my doctoral work, I see more clearly how SEL connects to the work of women in leadership. SEL is not just something students learn. It mirrors the emotional and relational skills leaders use every day.

Self-Awareness Helps Leaders Stay Grounded

Recent research highlights the importance of self-awareness in school leadership. Sepiriti’s study on emotional intelligence describes how principals who understand their own emotions are more effective at responding to challenges, supporting others, and building a positive school climate (Sepiriti, 2023).

Self-awareness helps leaders notice what they are feeling, understand why, and choose how they want to respond. It is not overthinking. It is clarity. It is being present enough to lead with purpose instead of reacting out of stress.

Self-Management Helps Leaders Respond With Intention

SEL teaches students to pause, regulate emotions, and organize their thinking. Leaders need the same habits.
Sepiriti found that emotional intelligence competencies, including self-management, help principals communicate more effectively and lead schools with steadier, more intentional decision making.

Leaders who manage their emotions well build trust. They help create work environments where people feel comfortable being honest, asking questions, and sharing ideas.

Social Awareness Helps Leaders Understand the People They Serve

One of the strongest connections between SEL and leadership is social awareness. Showunmi’s research on women leaders emphasizes how identity, context, and lived experience shape how women understand and support others (Showunmi, 2021).

Social awareness helps leaders:
• see beyond the surface
• understand the emotional landscape of a school
• notice subtle cues in relationships
• respond with empathy and fairness

This is not softness. It is skilled, informed leadership.

Relationship Skills Build Strong Communities

Strong relationships are at the center of leadership. Speranza and Gilmour describe women’s leadership as relational, collaborative, and grounded in authenticity (Speranza & Gilmour, 2021).

Relationship skills help leaders:
• listen deeply
• communicate with clarity
• support others’ growth
• build trust through consistency

When leaders invest in strong, healthy relationships, the entire school culture strengthens.

Responsible Decision-Making Helps Leaders Act With Purpose

SEL teaches students how to evaluate choices, consider consequences, and make decisions with care. Leadership requires the same practice.

Research on women’s leadership emphasizes acting from identity, values, and purpose—qualities that guide ethical, thoughtful decision making (Showunmi, 2021; Speranza & Gilmour, 2021).

Purpose-driven decisions ground a school. Value-based choices build credibility. Over time, these decisions shape how people experience leadership.

How This Connects Back to Leadership

SEL mirrors the skills leaders rely on every day:
self-awareness
self-management
social awareness
relationship skills
purposeful decision making

These are the skills that help leaders stay centered, steady, and focused on what matters. They also help leaders support others with care and intention.

Women lead with strength, emotional intelligence, and connection. SEL gives language to the leadership qualities many women already use intuitively.

Good leadership is built through daily practice. It grows each time we choose awareness over reaction and purpose over pressure. It strengthens when we understand ourselves and the people we lead. When leaders stay aware, stay intentional, and lift others, they create leadership that lasts. Leadership that feels human, steady, and real.

References

Sepiriti, K. (2023). Considering emotional intelligence as a leadership competency for Lesotho secondary school principals. European Journal of Educational Management, 6(1), 52–64.

Showunmi, V. (2021). A journey of difference: The voices of women leaders. Frontiers in Education, 6, 548870.

Speranza, A., & Gilmour, J. D. (2021). Ways of seeing women’s leadership in education. Frontiers in Education, 6, 781049.

What Makes a Good Leader?

I have been thinking about what makes a good leader. It is never just the tasks we complete or the role we hold. Good leadership shows in how we understand ourselves, how we interact with others, and how we support the people who look to us for guidance.

A good leader starts with self-awareness. Recent research continues to show how important this is. Sepiriti’s work on emotional intelligence explains that leaders who understand their own emotions and responses create healthier, more effective school environments (Sepiriti, 2023). Self-awareness helps us pause before reacting. It helps us speak with intention. It helps us stay aligned with what matters.

Leadership is also emotional work. We shape the emotional tone of a school more than we realize. When we manage our emotions with care, we build trust. When we listen fully, people feel respected. When we communicate clearly, others feel comfortable bringing forward ideas, needs, and concerns. This type of leadership is not about being perfect. It is about being responsible for the impact we have on others.

A good leader also lifts others. Women in leadership bring natural strength to this part of the work. Recent studies show that women often lead through connection, collaboration, and shared purpose. Showunmi found that women leaders use identity, voice, and relational awareness to strengthen the communities they lead (Showunmi, 2021). Speranza and Gilmour explain that women’s leadership often shines through support, authenticity, and creating space for others to grow (Speranza & Gilmour, 2021). When we lift others, we build confidence and belonging. We lead in ways that strengthen the entire school community.

Good leadership grows through practice. Here are a few research-supported strategies that help leaders build self-awareness and intentional action:

1. Use end-of-day reflection
Sepiriti’s work highlights how reflection strengthens emotional intelligence. Notice one moment where you felt aligned with your values and one moment that pulled you away from them. This helps build clarity over time.

2. Practice brief mindful pauses
Even short moments of grounding help leaders speak and respond with more calm and clarity. This supports better communication, especially during tense or emotional conversations.

3. Ask for specific, behavior-focused feedback
A trusted colleague can help you notice patterns you might not see. Ask what you do that supports others and what you do that unintentionally creates tension.

4. Revisit your core values
Speranza and Gilmour highlight how women leaders often act from purpose and identity. Naming your values strengthens your decision-making and anchors your leadership.

5. Intentionally lift one person a day
Showunmi’s work reminds us that connection builds confidence. A brief moment of encouragement, acknowledgment, or support shapes culture more than we think.

When I think about the leaders I admire, they are not the ones who always had the perfect answer. They are the ones who stayed steady in who they were. They cared about people. They understood themselves. They helped others rise.

Good leadership is built through daily practice. It grows each time we choose awareness over reaction and purpose over pressure. It strengthens when we take the time to understand ourselves and the people we lead. When we stay aware, stay intentional, and lift others, we build the kind of leadership that lasts. We build leadership that feels human, connected, and real.

References:

Sepiriti, K. (2023). Considering emotional intelligence as a leadership competency for Lesotho secondary school principals. European Journal of Educational Management, 6(1).

Showunmi, V. (2021). A journey of difference: The voices of women leaders. Frontiers in Education, 6, 548870.

Speranza, A., & Gilmour, J. D. (2021). Ways of seeing women’s leadership in education. Frontiers in Education, 6, 781049.

The Psychology of Perseverance in Women’s Leadership

When people talk about perseverance in leadership, they often picture grit or toughness. The truth is more human than that. Perseverance usually starts with meaning. It grows in the quiet moments when we remember why the work matters. It shows up when purpose feels stronger than pressure.

Perseverance is not loud. It lives in the small choices that never make it into reports or agendas. It shows up in the patient conversation at the end of a long day. It appears in the moment you steady yourself before you respond. It grows each time you return to your values when everything around you feels heavy.

Psychology offers another lens. Meaning acts as an anchor that keeps us steady during demanding moments. Park writes that when people connect their experiences to purpose, they show more clarity and hope in the face of challenge. Steger explains that meaning gives people a sense of direction, especially during uncertain times. Their work helps us stay grounded when everything else feels chaotic. It is a core part of how leaders stay grounded.

Women in school leadership often experience this in a unique way. Purpose is shaped through connection and relationships. It comes from the community we build and the people we serve. Studies in leadership and psychology show that women often draw strength from connection, collaboration, and purpose, and these relational qualities help sustain perseverance over time. Coleman found that women leaders often rely on values and identity to guide them through difficult situations. Oplatka and Tamir showed how relationships influence career decisions and commitment. Young and Skrla explained that women use relational strength to navigate expectations that are often invisible. A recent study by Nkosi found that mentoring, networking, and collaborative support help women leaders push through gendered challenges in their work.

In schools, purpose is woven into everything we do. It shows in the student who grows in confidence because of a quiet check-in. It shows in the teacher who feels seen because you stopped to listen. It shows in the pride you feel when your school community grows together. These moments build meaning that strengthens your leadership over time.

Perseverance does not require you to be unbreakable. It asks you to stay connected to why you lead. It grows when you honor your values and take the next right step with intention. Meaning gives us strength that lasts beyond difficult days.

If you are a woman in school leadership, remember that your perseverance is not measured by how much you take on; it is measured by how much you accomplish. It is shaped by how you stay rooted in purpose. The meaning you create each day is already building resilience in ways that matter. You may not always see it, but it is there in every connection, every moment of clarity, and every steady breath before you continue.

References

Coleman, M. (2005). Gender and headship in the twenty first century. Gender and Education, 17(3), 303–318.

Nkosi, M. Z. (2024). Breaking barriers and building bridges. Research in Educational Policy and Management, 6(1), 1–23.

Oplatka, I., & Tamir, V. (2009). I do not want to become a school principal. Educational Management Administration and Leadership, 37(1), 81–95.

Park, C. L. (2010). Making sense of the meaning literature. Psychological Bulletin, 136(2), 257–301.

Steger, M. F. (2012). Making meaning in life. Psychological Inquiry, 23(4), 381–385.

Young, M. D., & Skrla, L. (2011). Revisiting the gendered nature of educational leadership. Routledge.

The Circle: Why Women Leaders Need Each Other

Leadership can feel lonely even when you are surrounded by people. As a woman in school leadership, I have felt the quiet weight that comes with holding both the vision and the emotions of a community. What has carried me through has never been a new system or initiative. It has been the women who stand beside me. The circle.

The circle is not a formal network or another meeting on the calendar. It is a small group of women who tell the truth, celebrate progress, and remind you who you are when the week tries to make you forget. It is the space where you can admit that something feels heavy and hear, “You are not alone.”

I am a principal, a mom, a wife, a doctoral student, and a writer. I cannot do this work in isolation. My circle keeps me grounded, honest, and hopeful. We share resources. We share stories. We share the work of caring for others while caring for ourselves. When one of us struggles, the others step closer.

Recent research confirms what many women leaders already know intuitively: connection is not a luxury. It is essential for growth and sustainability. A 2024 study of women’s communities of practice found that small, peer-based groups built on trust and shared reflection strengthened confidence, problem-solving, and professional identity (Bone et al., 2024). Another study showed that when women educators meet in “brave spaces,” they develop stronger voices, more authentic collaboration, and greater professional confidence (Cunningham & Garvey, 2025). An article from the National Association of Elementary School Principals identified mentoring, networking, and self-care as the three most critical supports for sustaining women in leadership (NAESP, 2024).

These findings echo what I see every day. Women leaders thrive when they connect with others who understand the complexity of their work. These networks not only protect well-being but also strengthen schools through shared purpose and perspective.

Researchers call this relational leadership…the idea that leadership grows through trust, respect, and connection rather than control (Uhl-Bien, 2006). Studies on collective efficacy show that when groups believe in their shared ability to make a difference, schools perform better (Bandura, 1997; Goddard, 2000). When women come together to share their experiences and strengths, they are not simply supporting one another. They are building a shared sense of purpose that strengthens entire communities.

This idea connects closely to communities of practice, a model developed by Etienne Wenger and William Snyder (2000), which describes how professionals learn through conversation and shared reflection. Circles like these turn support into strategy. They transform connections into professional growth.

There is also growing recognition that relational well-being is a pillar of sustainable leadership. Rita McHugh’s Framework of Occupational Well-Being (2023) and OECD’s global research on educator well-being (2024, 2025) both highlight the quality of professional relationships as one of the strongest predictors of leader health, motivation, and retention. The circle meets that need directly. It transforms connection into clarity and belonging into balance.

Here are a few ways to create a circle that builds both well-being and leadership strength.

Start small and be intentional.
Invite two or three women whose presence feels genuine and kind. Choose women who value honesty, curiosity, and growth. Different perspectives make your conversations richer.

Name the purpose clearly.
Say what the circle is for. Encouragement. Reflection. Courage. Growth. Connection. Clarity of purpose keeps the time meaningful.

Protect the time.
Meet regularly, even briefly. Forty-five minutes every other week can shift the tone of your leadership and remind you that you are not doing this work alone.

Structure the reflection.
Ask three simple questions: What is working? What feels heavy? What is one next step? End by choosing one word to carry into the week such as calm, hope, or focus.

Create psychological safety.
Amy Edmondson’s research indicates that teams learn most effectively when individuals feel safe enough to speak openly (Edmondson, 1999). Protect confidentiality, listen without judgment, and ask before offering advice.

Celebrate success.
Women often move quickly past what went well. Take time to notice it. A difficult conversation handled with care. A student breakthrough. A staff meeting that left people inspired. Naming success builds confidence and keeps purpose alive.

Extend the impact.
Once your circle feels grounded, mentor an emerging woman leader together. Research continues to show that mentoring and sponsorship directly improve women’s confidence, satisfaction, and retention in educational leadership (Ely, Ibarra, & Kolb, 2011; NAESP, 2024). Each new connection widens the path for others.

What the circle offers is more than encouragement. It is a professional learning model that turns reflection into insight and connection into action. It strengthens emotional health, builds leadership capacity, and reminds us that strength grows through community, not competition.

If you are reading this and wishing you had a circle, start one. Send the first message. Invite two women for coffee. Share this post as your beginning. Start small. Start soon.

When women lead together, schools change. Teams grow stronger. Students feel the difference. The circle is not a luxury. It is how we last. It is how we lead. It is how we keep our hearts in the work and our eyes on what matters most!

References

Bandura, A. (1997). Self-efficacy: The exercise of control. W. H. Freeman.

Bone, E. K., Huber, E., Gribble, L., Lys, I., Dickson-Deane, C., Campbell, C., Yu, P., Markauskaite, L., Carvalho, L., & Brown, C. (2024). A community-based practice for the co-development of women academic leaders. Studies in Continuing Education. Advance online publication.

Cunningham, R., & Garvey, P. (2025). Communities of practice as “brave spaces” for women teachers. Teachers and Teaching: Theory and Practice. Advance online publication.

Edmondson, A. C. (1999). Psychological safety and learning behavior in work teams. Administrative Science Quarterly, 44(2), 350–383. https://doi.org/10.2307/2666999

Ely, R. J., Ibarra, H., & Kolb, D. M. (2011). Taking gender into account: Theory and design for women’s leadership development programs. Academy of Management Learning & Education, 10(3), 474–493. https://doi.org/10.5465/amle.2010.0046

Goddard, R. D. (2000). Collective teacher efficacy: Its meaning, measure, and impact on student achievement. American Educational Research Journal, 37(2), 479–507. https://doi.org/10.3102/00028312037002479

McHugh, R. (2023). A six-component conceptualization of the psychosocial well-being of school leaders: Devising a framework of occupational well-being for Irish primary principals [Doctoral dissertation, Hibernia College]. Hibernia College Repository.

National Association of Elementary School Principals. (2024, January 8). Slowly climbing the leadership ladder. Principal Magazine. https://www.naesp.org/resource/slowly-climbing-the-leadership-ladder

Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development. (2024). Teachers’ well-being: A framework for data collection and analysis (Education Working Paper No. 213). OECD Publishing.

Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development. (2025). Results from TALIS 2024. OECD Publishing.

Uhl-Bien, M. (2006). Relational leadership theory: Exploring the social processes of leadership and organizing. The Leadership Quarterly, 17(6), 654–676. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.leaqua.2006.10.007

Wenger, E. C., & Snyder, W. M. (2000). Communities of practice: The organizational frontier. Harvard Business Review, 78(1), 139–145.

Tonight’s Homework Assignment: The Sunday Scaries

It starts quietly…the sunlight fades, the inbox fills, and your mind begins to wander to Monday. The lesson plans, the meetings, the emails you meant to send. The weekend feels too short, and suddenly you are already back in the rhythm of the week. The “Sunday Scaries” are real, and they touch nearly everyone in education…teachers, counselors, and administrators alike.

For teachers, it might be the mental load of planning, grading, or worrying about a student who’s been struggling. For leaders, it might be the weight of the week ahead, knowing how much depends on our calm and clarity. At every level, we carry the invisible work of care…and sometimes, that care follows us home.

I used to think the Sunday Scaries were just part of loving your job too much. Over time, I realized they were something deeper. They were my mind’s way of preparing for impact, of bracing for the energy it takes to hold space for others. That anticipation is common in education because our work is human. We are not just planning lessons or meetings. We are preparing to show up for people.

Research on anticipatory stress confirms what many educators already feel. Even thinking about work demands can trigger the same physiological response as the stress itself. For teachers and school leaders, those demands are often emotional, not just logistical. We carry empathy, worry, and a deep desire to make a difference. That combination makes our work meaningful but also exhausting.

What has helped me, both as a leader and as a person, is learning to use Sunday evening not as the end of rest, but as the beginning of a reset. Instead of letting anxiety fill the space, I’ve built small rituals that ground me for the week ahead.

Plan the purpose, not just the tasks.
Before diving into lesson plans or meetings, take a moment to name one intention for the week. It might be patience, connection, or presence. Purpose brings calm where pressure builds.

Reflect instead of rehearse.
Instead of running through what could go wrong, spend a few minutes remembering what went well the week before. Gratitude quiets the nervous system and shifts focus from fear to strength.

Protect the last hour.
Turn off notifications. Walk the dog. Make a cup of tea. Whatever you choose, claim the final hour of your weekend as your own. It reminds you that life outside of work deserves your attention too.

Reach out, don’t retreat.
If Sunday nights feel heavy, talk about it. Share that reality with a trusted colleague, partner, or friend. The Sunday Scaries lose their power when we name them.

We teach best and lead best when we start from a place of peace. The Sunday Scaries are not a weakness. They are a reminder that what we do matters deeply. When we learn to listen to that feeling and respond with intention, we give ourselves and each other permission to begin the week with balance, not burnout.

So tonight’s homework assignment is simple.
Pause. Breathe. Reflect on what went well and what you are grateful for. Let your thoughts settle and your focus return to what truly matters. You are grounded, capable, and ready for a new week filled with possibilities!

If you need a way to reset before Monday, try this 10-Minute Grounding Body Scan Meditation. It’s one I often use on Sunday nights to quiet my thoughts and begin the week with calm and clarity.

The Hidden Curriculum of Leadership: Modeling Emotional Regulation for Staff and Students

Every day as a principal, I am reminded that leadership is emotional work. The hallway conversations, the student conflicts, the moments when teachers need reassurance all carry weight. What I model in those moments matters just as much as what I say. The truth is that we teach emotional regulation long before we ever use the term. Our tone, our body language, and the pauses between words become lessons for the people we lead.

Through experience, I have learned that calm is contagious. When I center myself before a difficult conversation, I can feel the energy shift in the room. That awareness did not come naturally. It came from moments when I reacted too quickly, when my own frustration took the lead, and I saw the impact ripple through others. Leadership, especially in schools, demands emotional steadiness not because perfection is expected, but because people look to us for cues on how to respond to uncertainty.

Research continues to show what many of us know intuitively. Emotional intelligence is foundational to healthy schools. Studies on leadership and well-being highlight that when leaders regulate their emotions effectively, staff stress decreases and collective trust increases. Daniel Goleman and Marc Brackett have both emphasized the power of emotional awareness. Brackett’s RULER framework shows that recognizing, understanding, labeling, expressing, and regulating emotions leads to stronger relationships and more effective learning environments. When leaders embody these skills, they create cultures where people feel safe enough to be human.

In my own school, I have seen how this plays out. When teachers feel supported, they extend that same patience and empathy to students. When I take time to listen rather than rush to fix, it communicates that emotional honesty is not a weakness. It is part of the work. Our ability to lead with emotional intelligence does more than reduce stress. It transforms the way our communities function.

Here are a few practices that have helped me strengthen emotional regulation in leadership.

Create intentional listening time. I block a few minutes after meetings to truly hear what people are saying, not just what they report. I resist the urge to multitask or plan my response. This builds trust faster than any initiative ever could.

Pause before responding. I use what I call the two-breath pause. The first breath is to notice what I am feeling and the second is to choose how to respond. That small space between reaction and response has preserved many relationships.

Model emotional transparency. When I acknowledge a hard day or share that I need a moment to regroup, it gives others permission to do the same. It is not about vulnerability for its own sake. It is about modeling balance.

Integrate emotion skills into adult spaces. Quick mood check-ins at staff meetings or reflection prompts in PLCs remind everyone that emotional awareness belongs in professional settings, too.

Protect your own regulation. Leadership often means absorbing the emotions of others. I have learned that I cannot lead well when I am depleted. Stepping outside between meetings, taking a short walk, or finding a quiet minute to breathe is not self-indulgent. It is leadership maintenance.

Emotional regulation is not about control. It is about awareness. The most powerful leaders I know are not the loudest or the most unshakable. They are the ones who stay grounded when things get hard, who make people feel safe enough to be honest, and who remind us that empathy and excellence can coexist.

Each moment we choose presence over reaction, we strengthen the culture around us. When we lead with calm and compassion, we do more than guide a school. We show others what it means to lead with heart and courage, and that is what lasting leadership looks like.

From Impostor to Impact: Finding Confidence as a Woman in School Leadership

“Confidence is not something we find; it’s something we build.”

When I first stepped into school leadership, I told myself I was ready. I had the credentials, the experience, and the heart for the work. Still, there were days when I looked around the table and wondered if I truly belonged there. That quiet self-doubt that creeps in even when we have earned our place has a name. Psychologists Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes called it the impostor phenomenon in 1978, and it still shows up in the lives of women leaders today.

Across sectors, women leaders are more likely than men to report feeling less equipped for their roles, even when performance is strong (Russell Reynolds Associates, 2024). In schools, where women make up most of the teaching workforce but hold fewer superintendent and central-office roles, the gap between confidence and competence can feel especially wide.

It is not a flaw. It is a pattern.

Impostor feelings are not proof that we are unqualified. They often reflect systems that have not always shown women in positions of power. Role congruity theory (Eagly & Karau, 2002) explains that when leadership is framed through traits like assertiveness, authority, and control, women can feel out of place even as they lead effectively.

The issue is not that women lack confidence. The issue is that confidence has been defined in narrow ways that do not always fit how women lead. Many women principals lead through collaboration, empathy, and reflection. These strengths build trust, strengthen teams, and foster a sense of belonging. They are sometimes undervalued in traditional leadership narratives.

Confidence is something we build

Albert Bandura’s work on self-efficacy reminds us that confidence grows through mastery, encouragement, and reflection. Every time we navigate a difficult meeting, advocate for a teacher, or lead through change, we collect evidence of our ability. The challenge is that we rarely pause to notice it.

A simple way to start is to keep a wins notebook. Write three short lines each week about something that went well or someone you supported. Over time, these small moments become tangible reminders of growth. Confidence is not something we find. It is something we build by acknowledging our own evidence.

Principals with stronger belief in their own capability are more likely to see their schools as ready to learn and change. In a large Midwestern sample of principals, self-efficacy was positively related to perceiving the school as a learning organization, which supports better decision-making and improvement over time (Hesbol, 2019).

Reflection changes the story

Reflection helps close the gap between how capable we are and how capable we feel. Try asking yourself three questions each week:

What decision reflected my values?
Where did I take a risk that helped someone else grow?
What lesson am I taking into tomorrow?

When we see our growth clearly, self-doubt loses its power.

We rise together

Confidence grows faster in a community. Mentorship among women leaders strengthens self-efficacy and career satisfaction (Ely, Ibarra, & Kolb, 2011). When one woman shares her story of doubt and persistence, it gives another permission to believe in herself.

For women principals, moments of transition can intensify impostor feelings. A mixed-methods study of female high-school principals identified triggers such as stepping into a new role and navigating gendered expectations. It also highlighted mentoring and role models as common coping strategies (Moriel de Cedeño, 2020).

When I was a new principal, I remember standing in front of my faculty for the first time. My voice shook. I felt the weight of every expectation in the room. Then I spoke about our students and what I hoped for them and for our staff. The room softened. That day taught me something important. Leadership is not about proving I belong. It is about leading from who I already am.

A final word

If you have questioned your readiness, you are not alone. Doubt does not mean you are unqualified. It means you care about doing the work well. Confidence is not about eliminating uncertainty. It is about moving forward with it.

Keep showing up. Keep reflecting. Keep connecting with others who lift you up. Your competence is already there. Confidence is learning to see it.

Your work matters. Your presence matters. You belong here!

If you are interested in a good read that builds on this idea, I recommend She Thinks Like a Boss: Leadership by Jemma Roedel. It is an honest and uplifting reminder that confidence grows when we give ourselves permission to lead as we are.

References

Bandura, A. (1997). Self-efficacy: The exercise of control. New York, NY: Freeman.

Clance, P. R., & Imes, S. A. (1978). The impostor phenomenon in high achieving women. Psychotherapy: Theory, Research & Practice, 15(3), 241–247.

Eagly, A. H., & Karau, S. J. (2002). Role congruity theory of prejudice toward female leaders. Psychological Review, 109(3), 573–598.

Ely, R. J., Ibarra, H., & Kolb, D. M. (2011). Taking gender into account: Theory and design for women’s leadership development programs. Academy of Management Learning & Education, 10(3), 474–493.

Hesbol, K. A. (2019). Principal self-efficacy and learning organizations: Influencing school improvement. International Journal of Educational Leadership Preparation, 14(1), 67–91. https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/EJ1218932.pdf

Moriel de Cedeño, D. (2020). The impostor phenomenon among female high school principals: A mixed methods study [Doctoral dissertation, University of North Texas]. UNT Digital Library. https://digital.library.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metadc1752321/

Russell Reynolds Associates. (2024). We should all have impostor syndrome: What leaders can learn from self-doubt. https://www.russellreynolds.com/en/insights/articles/we-should-all-have-imposter-syndrome

Strong Women Feel It Too: The Truth About Burnout and Care

Most women I know are holding more than anyone realizes. They lead, nurture, organize, teach, and listen. They show up for their families, their teams, and their communities. They give their time, their energy, and often their peace of mind to keep everything and everyone moving forward. And when exhaustion finally catches up, they blame themselves for not being stronger.

But burnout is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of caring deeply for too long without enough support or rest. Women do not burn out because they cannot handle the weight. They burn out because they keep carrying it.

In leadership, the emotional labor women take on often goes unseen. It is the invisible work of noticing who needs encouragement, who is struggling, and how to hold a team together in hard times. It is the quiet decision to absorb stress so others can stay calm. It is the extra thought that goes into every conversation, because you know how words can either build trust or break it. This kind of care is powerful. It also has a cost.

As a woman in leadership, I have learned that caring deeply is both my greatest strength and my greatest risk. The same empathy that builds connection can also lead to depletion if it is not balanced by boundaries. The same drive that fuels excellence can also push you past what is sustainable if you do not pause.

Women are conditioned to show strength through endurance. We keep going, even when we are running on empty. We say yes because we want to help. We stay late because we care. We fill every gap because it feels wrong not to. But leadership is not about doing it all. It is about knowing when to rest, when to delegate, and when to ask for help.

How Women Leaders Can Protect Their Energy and Purpose

Acknowledge what you carry.
The first step in preventing burnout is recognizing how much emotional and mental energy your role requires. You are not just managing tasks. You are managing people’s needs, emotions, and expectations. Naming that truth removes the guilt and replaces it with awareness.

Redefine strength.
True strength is not in how much you can endure. It is in how well you take care of yourself while taking care of others. Let rest, reflection, and recovery become part of your leadership practice.

Protect time for joy.
Schedule moments that refill you the same way you schedule meetings. Joy is not a luxury. It is fuel. Whether it is a walk outside, a cup of coffee with a friend, or time with your family, treat joy as essential, not extra.

Learn to say no without guilt.
Every yes has a cost. Protect your time and your energy for what truly matters. Saying no creates space for better yeses later.

Build a support system.
Surround yourself with people who remind you that you are human. Mentors, friends, and colleagues who listen without judgment are part of how leaders stay grounded.

Pause before you push through.
When you feel yourself reaching your limit, stop. Breathe. Reflect. Ask yourself what you need most in that moment. Sometimes the answer is not more effort but more compassion.

Burnout does not mean you are failing. It means you have been giving too much of yourself for too long without refilling what you give away. Women leaders bring empathy, vision, and heart to every table they sit at. The world needs that kind of leadership.

But we also need you healthy, whole, and at peace. You do not have to carry it all to make an impact. You do not have to prove your worth through exhaustion.

You are not burning out because you are weak. You are burning out because you care. And that care, when protected and renewed, is exactly what makes you extraordinary!

The Most Undervalued Skill in Leadership: Listening

We often talk about vision, strategy, and communication in leadership. But real leadership begins with listening. Not the kind of listening where we wait for our turn to speak, but the kind where we truly lean in to understand what someone is saying, feeling, and needing.

In schools, listening is the bridge between care and action. Every day, leaders balance the needs of teachers, students, and families. The ability to listen with empathy and awareness keeps that balance possible. It transforms leadership from managing people to connecting with them.

Emotional intelligence begins with this kind of listening. It is the awareness to notice tone, body language, and unspoken feelings. It is the decision to pause before reacting, to reflect before replying. When teachers feel heard, they feel supported. When students feel heard, they feel safe. Listening communicates both trust and value more powerfully than any plan or policy ever could.

As a principal, I have learned that people rarely need quick solutions first. A teacher who is struggling may not be asking for advice. They may just need acknowledgment and space. A student in distress often needs presence before direction. Listening provides that space. It is the foundation of both compassion and clarity.

True listening also strengthens the culture of a school. When leaders model calm, attentive presence, they set the tone for how everyone communicates. Teams become more open. Feedback becomes more honest. Relationships become stronger. Listening creates safety, and safety is what allows growth.

The challenge is that listening takes time, and time is what leaders never seem to have enough of. But without it, we risk solving the wrong problems and missing the heart of what people truly need.

Leadership is not about having all the answers. It is about asking the right questions and creating space for others to be heard. Listening well is one of the clearest signs of emotional intelligence, and it can be strengthened with daily practice.

Here are a few strategies that have helped me.

Create intentional listening time.
Build moments into your day where your only focus is to listen. Leave the laptop closed. Make eye contact. Ask follow-up questions. Even five minutes of undivided attention can make a person feel valued.

Listen to understand, not to answer.
When someone shares a concern, resist the instinct to fix it right away. Instead, reflect back on what you heard. Simple phrases like “It sounds like you’re feeling…” or “What I’m hearing is…” create connection and clarity.

Seek to learn before you lead.
Ask your team what support would be most meaningful before assuming you know. Listening first creates buy-in and shows respect for others’ experience.

Protect your own capacity to listen.
You cannot listen well when you are depleted. Build small pauses into your schedule. Step outside for a moment between meetings. Restore your focus before giving it away again.

Listening may sound simple, but it is deeply transformative. When leaders listen with empathy and curiosity, they create cultures of trust. When teachers feel supported, students feel safe. When everyone feels heard, the entire community thrives.

In a world that moves fast and speaks loudly, listening is a quiet kind of leadership that can truly change everything.

The Ripple Effect of Leadership Well-Being

Leadership is not about carrying it all alone, but too often that is exactly what it becomes. Principals are the ones everyone turns to when the copier breaks, when the parent is upset, when a teacher feels overwhelmed, and when a student needs immediate support. We hold the vision, the feelings, and the pressure. We hold the weight.

But when that weight goes unchecked, it starts to show in ways we don’t always notice. The energy of a school mirrors the energy of its leader. When a principal is exhausted, the staff feels it. When a leader is anxious, teachers begin to carry that same tension. It spreads quietly, showing up in shorter tempers, quicker meetings, and classrooms that feel just a little heavier than they should. Each day, it makes going into work just a little bit harder…

Teachers need healthy principals to thrive. A strong school culture is built on the steadiness of its leader. Research confirms what many of us already know in our bones. When principals report high stress or burnout, teacher morale and retention decline right along with it. But when principals are well, schools are calmer, more focused, and more joyful places to teach and learn.

Well-being is not a side note to leadership. It is the foundation of it. A principal who takes time to breathe, reflect, and rest is not stepping away from the work. They are strengthening it. They are modeling the very balance we want our teachers and students to have.

I have learned that leading well begins with leading myself well. It means knowing when I need quiet, when I need help, and when I need to pause before I push through. It means understanding that effective leadership is not fueled by constant motion, but by intentional presence.

Healthy leaders create healthy schools. When we invest in our own well-being, we make clearer decisions. We listen more deeply. We respond instead of react. Our calm steadies the building. Our balance gives permission for others to find theirs.

This is not a call for principals to do less. It is a call to do it differently. To lead from a place of wholeness instead of depletion. To remember that our energy sets the tone for every classroom in our care.

Practical Ways to Lead Well

If you are a principal looking for a place to start, here are a few small but meaningful ways to protect your own well-being while strengthening your school:

1. Build recovery time into your schedule.
Block short moments of stillness throughout the day. Step outside for five minutes between meetings. Eat lunch away from your desk once in a while. You cannot lead with clarity if you never pause long enough to think.

2. Redefine visibility.
Being visible does not mean being everywhere at once. It means being present where it matters. Choose moments that build trust like stopping in a classroom to listen, checking in with a teacher after a tough day, or greeting students in the morning. Presence is not measured in minutes, it is measured in connection.

3. Protect your mental and emotional space.
You will not be able to fix every problem in a single day. Accept that, and let it free you. Create boundaries with email, delegate tasks that can be shared, and let go of the guilt of not being available to everyone all the time.

4. Create your own support network.
Leadership is isolating, but it does not have to be lonely. Find other principals who understand the work, whether through professional networks, district groups, or informal circles. Shared conversation turns pressure into perspective.

5. Model the balance you want to see.
If you want your teachers to take care of themselves, show them what that looks like. Leave on time when you can. Talk openly about rest, boundaries, and mindfulness. Leadership that values well-being gives permission for others to do the same.

To every principal reading this, I hope you take a moment to breathe today. To every teacher, I hope you remember that your leader is human too. The work is heavy, but none of us are meant to carry it alone.

When we take care of the people who take care of schools, everyone inside those schools thrives. That is the true ripple effect of leadership well-being!

The Heart of a Woman Who Leads

Some days, I wake up as four different women all at once. A mom making breakfast. A wife holding her family together. A doctoral student chasing a dream. A principal leading a school. Each version of me needs something different, yet they all depend on the same heart.

There are moments when it feels like too much. When I am answering emails with one hand and wiping away tears with the other. When I’m thinking about my dissertation, while also helping my son with his homework. But then there are moments when it all makes sense. When my students remind me why I lead. When my children remind me what matters most. When my husband reminds me that I am never alone.

Being a mom has taught me patience, love, and grace. Being a wife has taught me partnership, safety, and balance. Being a doctoral student has taught me curiosity, dedication, and discipline. Being a principal has taught me courage, passion, and care. Each role stretches me in ways I never expected, but together they show me what strength really looks like.

There are days when balance feels impossible and the noise of it all feels louder than my own thoughts. But there is beauty in the mix. These roles do not compete, they complete each other. Together, they remind me of the true power of being a woman. We are multitaskers by necessity and nurturers by nature. We lead with heart, we love with strength, and we show up even when it is hard.

That is what power looks like. Not perfection, but presence. Not control, but courage…and maybe that is the lesson hidden inside it all. The power of being a woman is not about doing everything perfectly. It is about showing up fully, again and again, with grace, grit, and a heart that refuses to give up!

The Cost of Carrying It All

There is a weight that many women in leadership carry quietly. It is the unspoken work that goes far beyond the job description. It is holding the vision while also holding the emotions of everyone around you. It is being both the decision-maker and the comforter, the organizer and the encourager. It is leading while also holding the invisible pieces that keep everything together.

Most women leaders do this instinctively. We anticipate needs before they are spoken. We notice who is struggling. We hold space for others even when our own energy is running low. The strength to do this comes from care, compassion, and responsibility, but it also comes at a cost.

That cost shows up in exhaustion that sleep does not fix. It appears in moments of doubt when you wonder if you are doing enough or being enough. It can turn into resentment when you feel unseen for the work that happens quietly behind the scenes. And it can create guilt when you try to set boundaries and care for yourself.

For me, leadership has taught that emotional labor is not something to ignore or resent. It is part of what makes women remarkable leaders. The challenge is learning how to manage it instead of letting it consume us. That begins with awareness. Recognizing that the mental and emotional load we carry is real gives us permission to name it, to ask for help, and to set limits without apology.

Leading without losing yourself means learning to let go of what is not yours to hold. It means trusting others to carry pieces of the work. It means creating systems that support people instead of relying on one person’s strength to hold everything together. It also means caring for yourself with the same attention and empathy that you offer to everyone else.

True leadership is not about doing it all. It is about creating a culture where no one has to. When women leaders give themselves permission to rest, delegate, and be human, they model a healthier kind of strength. They show others that sustainability and success can exist together.

The cost of carrying it all is high. The reward of learning to share the weight is even higher!

How We Find Our Why Again

There are times in leadership when even meaningful work begins to feel heavy. The long hours, constant decisions, and emotional weight can make it hard to remember why we started in the first place. I have lived those moments. The days when purpose fades beneath the pace. But even in those times, our why is never lost. It is only waiting to be remembered…

That is why I hold on to reminders that bring me back to center. Recently, I watched Clint Pulver’s story, Be a Mr. Jensen. In it, a teacher notices a restless student and chooses to see possibility instead of frustration. He hands the student a pair of drumsticks and says, “I think you are a drummer.” That moment changes everything. It is simple and human, but it captures what purpose looks like in action.

Working at an arts-focused high school, I see this power every day. My daughter once majored in Figure Skating there. My son focused on Production Arts. Their dedication to their craft shaped how they learned, how they worked, and how they faced challenges. The arts became their foundation for resilience, focus, and joy. As a principal, I see that same transformation in my students daily. Art connects effort to meaning. It turns practice into purpose.

Leadership is no different. We lose our way when we forget that our influence lives in the small moments of connection. The meeting where someone feels heard. The hallway conversation that reminds a teacher that their work matters. The student who finally feels seen. These are our versions of handing someone a pair of drumsticks.

Finding the why again is not about a grand revelation. It is about slowing down long enough to notice the difference we already make. It is choosing to see potential where it is easy to see problems. It is remembering that leadership is not about titles or results. It is about people, purpose, and presence.

If you are feeling stretched or uncertain, take a moment to think about who handed you your drumsticks…the person who believed in you, who saw something you could not yet see in yourself. Then look around and pass that same belief forward. That is how we find our why again.

Clint Pulver captures this so well in his book I Love It Here: How Great Leaders Create Organizations Their People Never Want to Leave. He reminds us that great leadership is about creating spaces where people feel valued and seen. When leaders focus on connection and meaning, loyalty and trust naturally follow.

If you need a reminder of why this matters, take a few minutes to watch Be a Mr. Jensen. It is a simple story with a lasting message. Sometimes all it takes to find our why again is to remember the power we hold when we choose to see the best in others!

Celebrating Small Wins on the Big Journey

This week I received the news that I passed my comprehensive exam for my doctoral work at Lehigh University. For anyone who has been through this process, you know how significant this moment is. It is one of those milestones that feels like a mountain standing in front of you, and the only way to get through it is one step at a time.

The journey has not been easy. Balancing leadership at school with the demands of doctoral work often felt impossible. There were days when I questioned if I could keep going. There were nights of rewriting, rereading, and revising until my eyes blurred. And there were plenty of moments when the weight of it all pressed down heavy.

Yet what I have learned in both leadership and doctoral work is that resilience is not about never struggling. Resilience is about taking the next step even when it feels hard. It is about pausing when you need to, but not stopping altogether. It is about reminding yourself that progress comes in pieces, not all at once.

Celebrating small wins along the way is part of what makes the big journey possible. The paper finished. The chapter read. The exam submitted. Each step matters. Too often we wait until the final goal is reached to celebrate, but joy comes when we honor the progress along the way.

Passing my comprehensive exam is a moment of joy and relief, but more than that, it is proof that perseverance pays off. The path is still long, but each milestone is worth noticing.

This lesson matters in schools too. Principals, teachers, and students are often climbing their own mountains. The work can feel endless and overwhelming, but progress comes in the small steps. When leaders celebrate those steps — a class that found its rhythm, a student who grew in confidence, a teacher who tried something new — the whole community is reminded that the journey is worth it.

For anyone else facing a challenge that feels too big, my reminder is simple: take the next step. Celebrate the small wins. Keep moving forward. The reward is not just the achievement at the end, but the strength you build on the way there.

When the Principal is Well, Everyone Wins!

I have learned that how I show up as a leader directly affects the climate of my school. When I am rested and grounded, the energy flows outward to my staff and students. When I am exhausted, stressed, or distracted, it ripples too. This truth is not just about my own experience. It is also clear in research across the world.

Rita McHugh’s landmark study of 488 Irish primary principals developed the Framework of Occupational Well-Being to measure burnout, job satisfaction, mindfulness, motivation, and perception of fairness. The findings are sobering. Current figures show that there has been an increase in Irish principals’ use of prescription medications from 18% in 2015 to 40% in 2022, with 39% of principals reporting diagnoses of stress-related medical conditions. Principals also reported high levels of unpaid overtime, frustration with autonomy, and low levels of mindfulness. These factors erode their health and their capacity to lead.

This mirrors what many of us see in our own schools. Leadership roles in education have grown increasingly complex and emotionally demanding. Principals carry the responsibility for student learning, staff performance, compliance, safety, and community trust, often with limited support or preparation. As McHugh’s research shows, the impact of this workload is not only professional but deeply personal, affecting health, families, and long-term sustainability in the role.

Yet her work also offers hope. The six components of occupational well-being that she identified provide a framework for healthier leadership: managing burnout, meeting basic psychological needs such as autonomy and competence, sustaining motivation, practicing mindfulness, fostering job satisfaction, and building fairness into the system. These are not luxuries. They are essential if leaders are to thrive and if schools are to flourish.

I see this truth every day. When I protect time for mindfulness, when I share responsibility rather than doing it all myself, when I create systems that respect teachers’ autonomy, the energy in the building shifts. Teachers are calmer, students are more engaged, and families feel the difference.

The good news is that change is possible. McHugh’s findings show that motivation, autonomy, and mindfulness can all protect against burnout. For me, this reinforces that principals cannot treat their well-being as optional. It is at the core of effective leadership. When principals are supported and when they choose to care for themselves, the benefits ripple outward. Teachers feel it in their classrooms, students feel it in their learning, and families feel it in the overall climate of the school.

When the principal is well, everyone wins!

What Principals Don’t Say Out Loud

There are parts of leadership that rarely make it into conversations. We often keep them tucked away, thinking no one wants to hear about the nights we cannot sleep because a student’s safety plan is looping through our minds, or the mornings when the weight of unfinished tasks feels heavier than the school doors themselves. We smile in the hallways, move quickly between meetings, and try to project calm even when inside we are stretched thin.

What we do not say out loud is that the role can be lonely. It is lonely not because we are surrounded by fewer people but because we feel we must carry their worries alongside our own. A teacher’s frustration, a parent’s anger, a student’s heartbreak, a board’s expectation—these become part of our inner landscape. We often believe that strength means holding it all without showing strain.

The truth is that silence does not make us stronger. Hiding our own exhaustion or doubt creates walls instead of bridges. When we acknowledge that the role is demanding, when we admit that we are human, we actually open the door to healthier leadership. Teachers and students do not need a principal who appears perfect. They need one who models what it looks like to care for self while still showing up for others.

Why this matters is simple. Unspoken stress has a cost. It wears down our bodies with headaches, fatigue, and illness. It weighs on our hearts and leaves us feeling disconnected from the very work that once filled us with purpose. When leaders crumble silently, schools suffer quietly alongside them. But when leaders speak honestly, even in small ways, they create space for teachers to share their challenges too. That honesty ripples into classrooms where students learn that it is acceptable to ask for help.

One of the most powerful shifts I have experienced as a principal has come from letting down the guard just enough to say, “Today was hard.” That sentence changes the air in a room. It invites others to respond with their own truth. It creates community instead of performance.

So what principals do not often say out loud needs to be said. Not for sympathy, not for excuses, but for connection. When we share the quiet parts of leadership, we remind ourselves and others that the work is not about perfection. It is about persistence, compassion, and resilience.

The next time you feel yourself tempted to hold it all in, pause and consider that your voice may be the one that helps another leader exhale. Speaking the unspoken can be the first step toward sustaining yourself in the role and ensuring that your school thrives alongside you.